Make Valentine’s Special At Home Even If You Have Children
Yes you can be a parent of children who live under your roof, and still have a very romantic Valentine’s, at home. Out of all the cultural celebrations throughout the year, you deserve this one. And I’m here to help you own it! I’m speaking as a fellow parent, and as a lover of love – so sit back and take notes, or screenshots because here are my five steps to ensuring you can make ‘Valentine’s Special at Home’
Step One – Support Your Local Businesses
Yes the kitchen is on strike. No that fridge won’t fill itself. And nor will the drinks cabinet. Three things to ensure for a very special Valentine’s at Home. To be organised in advance of the ‘Big Romantic’ Day that’s in it!
- Don’t cook – order your food in
- Don’t clean – order your food in
- Don’t forget the refrigerated goods like; whipped cream, strawberries, ice, chocolate etc etc.
- Don’t forget the drinks cabinet goods like; champagne, prosecco, wine, whiskey, gin and a packet of cigarettes. Don’t drink? Fair play!
- Don’t forget that you. like most parents are not in your prime ’24 Hour Party People’ days and so headache tablets and local takeaway menus for the next day are required in advance.
Step Two – Make Use of Your Children’s Art & Hobby Skills
During the day force your children to:
- Cut hundreds of heart shapes from red card. Later, as soon as you’re little worker bees have gone to bed at 5pm, these cute red choppy shaped hearts will be scattered throughout the downstairs living area – perfect for creating those Valentine’s feels, and ideal for sharing across all your social pages #homestyle #loveforever
- Remove the petals from half a dozen roses. Mind those thorns little ones! These delicate petals will later be arranged in a heart shape on your king-size bed, and also in your bubble bath. We’re all about dual purpose here!
- Make Valentine’s cards. Why waste good champagne money darling! And who could be bothered thinking of something to write when your little munchkins can create cutie pie creations so you don’t have to think.
Step Three – Ensure Your Children are Tired, but Happy of Course!
After all their Arts and Crafts, ensure your children do the following:
- Run around the garden for at least two hours. If you have a trampoline, even better. And if there’s a code red weather warning allow them, just this once, to run around the house.
- Eat a big pasta dinner, followed by a banana and milk. Pile up on those sleepy carbohydrates little chicks. And did you know bananas are the best fruit before bed for a better night’s sleep!
Step Four – Get Your Children Off to Bed at Respectable Valentine’s Hour
Preferably 5pm, but 6pm will do just fine too. Here’s what to promise them, and we always keep our promises folks!
- Sweets for Breakfast.
- Icecream for Lunch.
- Junk Food for Dinner.
- Movies ALL DAY!
Step Five – The Crucial Points of What Not To Do
This final step is vital. Here’s what not to do:
- Don’t let the time slip by and not get ‘the childer’ off to bed ‘in time’.
- Don’t argue over dinner because someone forgot to order dessert. ‘No you’re not the dessert darling, for fuck sake, I was dreaming about that bloody creme brulee all day’.
- Don’t eat too much and feel like a beached whale who just are a packet of Rennie.
- Don’t drink too much, ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’… just remember the cliché and the Simpsons ‘Won’t somebody please think of the children’.
- Don’t bathe together if there isn’t enough room, unless you like a toe up the bum … perhaps you do … oh behave!
- Don’t pick a porn instead of a romantic movie … unless you’re both on the same saucy page.
- Don’t end up sleeping on the sofa, because you’re a gobshite who forgot about Valentine’s in the first place. Ya thick!
This article was brought to you in jest. But I’m sure as a parent you’ll agree from experience, there are a few sneaky truths in there somewhere too … Happy Valentine’s Day!
Photos by Element5 Digital