Things About Grief We Need To Remember
Grief is not a one-size-fits-all series of emotions. It becomes one of the most malleable models where you run a gamut of emotions, and this is why it’s so important that when you learn to deal with grief, it is not something that can be done in a very specific way. We can certainly recognise that there are different ways to deal with grief, but this means understanding some of the things that are occurring across the board. What are these things, and how can you overcome them and deal with them in your own ways?
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed
Things about Grief – Legal Ramifications
The official stages of grief never cover anything relating to legal or “admin” problems. But depending on the nature of your loved one’s death, there may be a lot of liaising with legal specialists or dealing with the coroner. This can all be too much. If you need to do this, think about off-loading a lot of this admin.
Specialists like Adviceline Injury Lawyers can help with these tricky predicaments but it is always important to recognise that if you are feeling overwhelmed because of the admin, such as sorting the estate, delegating these duties to someone else is not a bad thing. On the other hand, some people like to deal with these administrative processes because it gives them an opportunity to process their grief and gives them some form of routine.
Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”
― Leo Tolstoy
Things about Grief – You May Not Respond in the “Expected” Sense
Grief can be the ninja of emotions, it can sneak up on you when you least suspect it, and may not happen for you when you finally get that flood of emotions. Grief can hit you hard when you least suspect it. The important thing to remember is that you may not respond as people expect you to for a long time, and this is fine. Grief doesn’t mean that we are weeping over the grave of our loved ones and feeling that we cannot function. Everybody processes things in their own way.
So what if you don’t experience grief in the traditional sense? …
Things about Grief – Give Yourself the Time
Some people think that they’ve just got to get on with life, and this means going back to work really quickly after the funeral, other people feel the need to take time. What’s important to remember is that people will tell you exactly what they think you should do. Of course you can take their concerns on-board but just remember everybody has their good days and everybody has their bad days.
We must realise that in order to truly process what grief is all about, there are a handful of stages that we do need to go through in order to emerge out the other side. But this means that in order to get to the end we must deal with it. If you want to watch more TV than usual, so be it, but recognise that you have to learn how to process emotions. You shouldn’t ignore that. This means allowing yourself the luxury to go through it in your own time, at your own pace.
Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”
― William Shakespeare, Macbeth
Dealing with grief is not easy, it forces us to deal with emotions we’re not used to. Grief can even change you, but there is no right or wrong way of getting through it, or learning to live with it. If you ever need to talk, there is always someone to reach out to – talk to a friend, or a family member, your GP, or phone a dedicated bereavement counselling and support service.
Photo by Irene Giunta – CCO Licence